Butterfly On Your Right Shoulder
by Akaichou95
Summary: Rin was the typical party girl-getting drunk every night, going to parties, extremely popular. But she held a secret in her heart no one knew about. Incest/One-shot. UPDATE: The second chp. is a rewrite of the 1st chp. fixing a few problems here & there.
1. First Draft

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Vocaloid. Obviously. -.-"

**Note:** Rin & Len are 18 in this – seniors at their high school.

**Warning:** Twincest in story. Just a warning if you aren't into that stuff!

* * *

**Butterfly On Your Right Shoulder**

~RIN~

The school bell rings, and I sigh a breath of relief. School was a chore for me, but my brother didn't seem to mind it much. I never understood why, so I never dwelled on the fact for too long. Running to my locker, I shove my books into my black bag. I slam the locker shut, and try to find Miku. I easily spot her at her locker talking to Luka.

"Hey, bitch!" I shout across the hall. I grin to my best friends, and they begin to laugh.

"Right back to ya bitch!" Miku responds in jest.

"Oh my god, that math test almost killed me!" I exclaim as I walk towards the two.

"Ugh, I know!" Luka agrees.

"I mean, the last test I got back was a D _minus_."

"Wow, a new record!" Miku cries.

"Oh shut up, Miku. You failed that test!" I shoot back.

"So?" She grins at me, and I laugh along with Luka.

"So, Rin, got anything planned tonight?" Miku questions me.

"No, actually."

"Well, Gakupo's holding a party tonight at his place. You have to come!" Miku looks at me earnestly as she pulls out books from her locker.

"How could I pass up a party?" I grin slyly, and laugh with them. "You think I should buy some clothes or something?"

"Hmmm, I doubt it. But knowing you, you'll go shopping anyways." Luka comments.

"Yeah, I guess you're right! Well, I guess I'll be heading out now, bye you two!" I wave to my friends, and they wave back.

I head out to the school parking lot, and spot my boyfriend Kaito.

"Rin!" He waves at me, surrounded by his other friends.

"Hey Kaito!" I wave back to him, and head towards his group.

"So, you're coming to the party, right?" Gakupo questions me once I arrive.

"Of course, what else would I be doing?" I joke.

"Tonight's gonna be great, I can't wait!" Piko shouted while he fist-pumped the air. He could be so immature sometimes.

"Well, see you tonight Rin!" Kaito leans down and kisses me, and I return the kiss. His tongue slips through my mouth, so I return the favor.

"Wow there, come one you guys, get a room!" Gakupo jokes to us, and we laugh.

"Bye guys!" I wave to the trio, and head to my car.

I decide to buy some clothes for tonight, so I head to the local mall. Arriving in about ten minutes, I walk inside the large building. Browsing several stores, nothing catches my eye. But every time I'm in a store, I can't help but compare myself to the other girls. That one's taller, that girl's skinnier, and that one has bigger boobs. I can't measure up to any of them, and it's slowly killing me inside. How can I even think that I'm worth him? He deserves better. Someone stronger, someone _pretty_.

As I wallow in my self-pity, I finally find something I like. It's a short red dress, but enough to cover me. I also purchase red heels and a simple necklace. The price is cheap, luckily, and I head back to my car after I finish up in the mall. I head home, and it only takes about fifteen minutes to arrive. I park in front of my large house and hum a simple tune as I step out of my car. I pluck out the keys from my purse, opening the front door. When I step inside my house, I see the most devastating sight: Len with another girl.

I'm in shock and can hardly breathe when I see Len entwined with her. She's gorgeous, hair the color of a red rose, pale skin, and of course, super skinny. When Len notices me in standing in the front door, his eyes widen. He wasn't expecting me so soon. The girl looks at me, and a blush appears on her cheeks. Before anyone can open their mouth, I rush to my room. Slamming the door shut, I fall to the floor. I'm shaking, and I'm trying hard not to cry.

"_This isn't right, you know. These feelings are taboo, against the rules."_ I try to convince myself that I don't love my twin brother. Every single day I tell myself why I shouldn't be in love with him. But this feeling won't go away.

In order to distract myself, I pull out my cell phone and text Miku: "_When does the party start_"

A couple minutes pass by, and Miku texts back: "_9:30_" I check my clock, it's only five.

I stand up and stare at myself in the mirror. Pointing out each flaw is easy – it's a daily ritual by now. I stare at my face, so many things wrong with it. Uneven complexion, dull hair style, limp hair. Boring facial features. My body isn't much better. Even though I'm 18, my breasts are as flat as board. I'm short – too short. Tears well up in my eyes. How can people stand this, how can people stand to stare at me each day?

Just as I'm analyzing each thing that's wrong with me, someone begins to pound on my door. Sniffling, I try to wipe the tears away.

"Who is it?" I manage to say the sentence without sounding too strange, luckily.

"Rin, you know it's me." That's right; our parents are on a week-long business trip, aren't they?

"Yes Len?" I ask as if nothing's wrong.

A few seconds of silence, then he responds. "Dinner's ready." I hear Len walk away from my door, and I stand up. He made dinner for me? _"I don't deserve it"_ I remind myself. _"He's too good for you"_ I think.

When I arrive at the kitchen, Len is eating a simple rice and vegetable bowl. I see another one for me, so I sit down. As I take my first bite, Len begins the conversation.

"Sorry about earlier. I-I didn't know you'd be back this soon."

I fake a laugh – it sounds so real – and reply, "I figured. So who was that girl?" I question innocently.

"Her name's Miki. We're dating." He says simply.

**Dating.** He's in a relationship. My heart crumbles, and my stomach begins to feel sick.

"Well, good for you." My response is awkward and weird, something that Rin Kagamine wouldn't.

"Uh, yeah." Len says while staring at his food.

I eat as quickly as I can, and thank Len for the meal. I wash my dishes as fast as I can, and place them in the dishwasher. Rushing to the bathroom, I turn on the heater so Len can't hear me. I force myself to vomit, the unwanted food removed from my body. I flush the toilet, and my mouth stings from the vile taste. I wash my mouth out with water first, trying to get rid of the taste. I brush my teeth vigorously, trying to remove the vomit. When I finish, I turn the heater off and return to the living room.

Len is sitting on the couch watching some weird game show. I sit down, and watch it with him. When the commercials come on, Len faces me.

"So, are you headed anywhere tonight?"

"Yeah, a party." I reply simply.

"Another one?" Len sighs. He knows what happens when I go to these parties. He always hates it when I arrive home completely drunk and high on drugs. My "sleeping around" seems to bug him as well.

"Yeah, another one."

"Do you have to go?" He asks, worry creeping into his voice.

"Yes."

"Then promise me that you won't get into any trouble." Len stares at me fiercely with his deep azure eyes.

"I promise." I know I won't keep it. Another reason why I don't deserve him.

"Good." He buys my lie, and continues watching TV. My stomach clenches up, and I feel horrible.

It's already 9 PM, and I'm busy getting ready. Sliding into the tight red dress, I pull the heels on my feet as well. I grab the new necklace I bought and hook it around my neck. Leaning towards the mirror, I decide to leave my signature white bow behind. I grab my brush, and fluff my hair up. I style it to the perfect "sexy mess", and I move onto my makeup. I slide the rich red lipstick onto my lips, making them look larger than they really are. Piling on mascara and eyeliner, I'm finally done.

I grab my keys and put them into my purse, and walk to the front door.

"Rin, you look…stunning!" Len compliments me, and I'm embarrassed. He can't mean it, right?

"Oh, thanks Len! Well, I'm off." I wave to him, but Len cuts me off.

"Rin, be careful. Remember your promise, okay?" He's really worried. I feel awful for making him this worried, but I can't help but go to the party.

"I will. Love you Len!" The sentence is two-faced and I know that Len won't catch the true meaning of it.

"Love you too Rin. Be safe." He waves to me as I leave the house, and I'm out the door.

I enter my car, and start the engine. I put in a random CD and music starts to blast from the car. I arrive at Gakupo's in ten minutes, and it seems several people are already there. I shut off the music, and cut the ignition. I step out, and walk into the large house. As I walk in, the smell of cheap liquor and sweaty bodies hits my nose. Several people come up to talk to me, and I'm having some fun. A couple guys hit on me, so I tease them in response. I walk through crowds of teenagers, and I find the beer. Popping a can, I take a sip. The taste is robust, and I take a few more swigs of the beverage.

"Rin!" I hear my name shouted across the room, and I see my two best friends – Miku and Luka.

"Hey you two! How's it going?" I say as they reach me.

"Not much, we've missed you!" Miku exclaims.

We all laugh and chat for a while, making the time fly. I decide to leave them, when my boyfriend finds me.

"I've been looking for you!" He cries, his arms wrapping around my waist.

"I'm flattered!" I joke.

"So, is there anything…you want to do?" Kaito is clearly focused on one thing. I don't mind, I need a distraction anyways.

"Depends. You got protection?" I ask.

"Yeah, will a condom work for you?" He asks apprehensively.

"Perfect." I give him a sly smile, and we sneak away from the crowd to find a private room.

There's hardly any romance between the two of us, so we just start taking our clothes off. We jump on the bed, and I wait as Kaito puts the condom on.

"Ready?" He questions me.

"I'm always ready." I inform him.

When we finish, I slip my clothes back on. I know my makeup is smudged, but I don't care. That was more than enough to distract me.

"That was amazing, wasn't it?" Kaito says dreamily.

"Yeah," I say as I finish collecting my things. "Hey, I gotta go. See you tomorrow?"

"Okay, bye Rin!" Kaito is still on the bed, and I rush out of the room.

Before I leave the party, I sneak several cans of beer. When I leave as fast as I can, I sit in my car for several minutes before setting off for home. I open the beers and drink them all quickly. I'm drunk before I know it, and I start the car up. As I drive home, I can't get Len out of my head, no matter how many distractions I place in front of me. My mind is racing, and when I arrive home, I see Len sitting on the couch struggling to stay awake. He waited for me. My stomach sinks down, and I feel horrible. I quickly check the time on my phone: 3:02 AM. Oh god.

"Hey, Len." I say it quietly, so I don't frighten him.

"Rin, you're back! Thank God…" He was _really_ worried about me. "I waited for you."

"You didn't have to do that." I say softly.

"I know." His response makes me feel even guiltier.

I lock the front door and walk towards my brother. I set my things down gently, and sit next to him.

"So, what happened at the party?" Len asks innocently.

I'm silent, and try to fill the silence, but Len beats me to it.

"You broke your promise didn't you?" He's wide awake now, staring at me intensly.

"I-I'm sorry Len. I didn't mean to…" I try to apologize, but it sounds insincere.

"What happened?" His voice is firm now. I turn my head away from him, and stare at my hands instead.

"I had a few drinks." I say. It's not too big, right?

"What else." His voice is starting to scare me, it's so harsh.

"I-I…"

"I knew it. You slept with someone. Who was it this time?" He sighs, and leans back on the couch.

A tear escapes my eyes, and I wipe them away. "Kaito." I whisper.

He's silent, and I can tell he's furious with me. His light blonde hair is released from its ponytail, giving him a carefree look. His brows are furrowed, he's deep in thought. I've disappointed him again.

"Rin, you need to stop this. It's getting out of control." He talks after several minutes of silence pass by.

I don't respond, I won't respond. He stands up and looks down at me. "Come on, let's get you in bed."

I take Len's outstretched hand, and he leads me to my bedroom. I stay in my clothes, and fall asleep quickly.

A raging hangover greets me the next morning, and I feel awful. Groggily stepping out of the bed, I go into the bathroom. I try to make myself presentable, so Len won't see me in such a mess. My makeup is all over the place, my hair is knots, and my eyes have dark circles under them. It takes me a while to fix everything so I don't look like a monster, and when I finish, I greet Len at the kitchen table.

Len has made me delicious looking crepes with whipped cream on top. I force myself to eat the sweet dessert, and remind myself constantly that I will be able to lose the carbs soon. I make small talk with my brother for a little bit, and I finally finish the crepe. As I'm cleaning the dishes, Len asks me of my social plans.

"Why do you need to know?" I'm suspicious, why does he want to know? Must be worried.

"There aren't any _parties_ or anything?"

"Well, I think Kaito might be holding one soon, in a couple days I think." I cautiously tell Len, but soon regret it.

"Can I come?"

"Why would you want to come, Len? You hate crowds, loud music, and alcohol."

"To keep an eye on you, of course." I groan, I knew he was up to no good.

"Who said I was letting you come?"

"No one. I'm asking."

I look at my brother in disbelief, and he puts me under a spell. I'm pathetic, so weak. I break, and let him come.

"Fine, I guess it won't be a problem."

"Good." Len is happy now, and that's the only solace I get.

"You do realize that Mom and Dad will be back by then, so we'll be sneaking out of the house for this party."

"Not a problem." Len says simply.

"Okay, just warning you."

I finish the dishes, and enter the bathroom. Starting the regular procedure, I turn the heater on and force myself to vomit. Clean out my mouth, brush my teeth. When I finish with that, I return to my room and take a few pills to reduce my headache caused by the hangover.

"You want to get anything special for the party?" I ask Len randomly as we're both watching TV again.

"Not really."

"Len, you _have_ to. You'll stand out…like a sore thumb." I say, trying to convince him to go shopping.

"Fine. When do I have to go?" he sighs, and I laugh.

"Today! Like, now maybe?" I ask him sweetly, hoping that he'll come with me.

"Fine, you drive though."

"Okay!" I shout happily, and grab my purse from my room.

Finding Len clothes for the party is more difficult than I thought. Len keeps on choosing weird clothes like sweater-vests and turtle necks. I try to point him to T-shirts _at least_. He won't get them, making the trip even more difficult.

"How about this?" I say, suggesting some black skinny jeans.

"Mmm, I don't know."

"Len, _all_ of the girls will be after you if you wear these. Go ahead and try them on while I find you a decent shirt. Len reluctantly takes the pants from me and heads towards the dressing rooms.

While Len is busy getting dressed, I'm searching for the perfect top. It's hard to please both Len's style and my own at once, we're so different. While I like modern, fresh fashion, Len prefers formal and professional clothes. So I pick out a couple different shirts: A plain black T-shirt, a white button down, and a blue sweater. Not my top choices, but something Len and I could compromise.

When Len returns, he seems bored. Informing me that the pants fit, I'm ecstatic. Len laughs at my strange antics, and I just brush him off. Showing him the three shirts, he chooses the white button down. As I hand him the shirt, Len stares at my wrist.

"Rin, are you losing weight?"

"I-Is that a good thing?" I ask nervously. I hope desperately that he doesn't know my secret.

"Yeah, I guess. As long as you don't lose too much weight!" He smiles at me, and I smile back. Good, he doesn't know.

We pay for the clothes, and return home.

Coincidentally, the day our parents arrived was when the party was being held. I was preparing for the sneak out, deciding when we should head out. The party started at 10, and my parents went to bed around 9:30. Once they were asleep, Len and I would be able to get ready and sneak out easily enough.

Time went by slowly, but they finally went to bed. Len and I started to get ready as soon as they were downstairs. I was dressed in a simple black dress that was shorter than the red one from a couple nights before. I slipped on some white tight and put on a pair or black heels. My outfit was simple, but eye-catching. My makeup matched my clothes: simple black & white eye makeup with nude lipstick. I clutched my purse tightly, and went to see Len. He looked amazing, the jeans fit his body perfectly, and the top seemed sleek, but something he was comfortable in. The one problem was his hair.

"Len," I began, "you can't have your hair up!" I went up to him, and pulled the tiny ponytail out. His hair fell just above his shoulders, making him seem much…cooler. I smiled, and Len blushed.

"Don't worry Len, you look amazing." I comforted my twin, and he smiled.

"As do you." I smiled, and we both headed out the door.

Kaito's house was slightly bigger than Gakupo's, but it seemed to hold twice the people. I dragged Len behind me as I swam through the sea of people. Whenever Len looked away, I snuck sips of beer here and there. Getting drunker by the minute, Len hadn't even noticed. Yet again, he turned his head. Snatching a beer off of a nearby table, I gulped as much as I could. Within a few minutes, I was completely drunk.

Len grabs my hand, and pulls me into a corner. Not many people pay attention to us here, and Len begins to talk to me.

"Rin, I want to leave. I hate it here." His face is contorted into frustration, and I laugh.

"Oh, Len." I slightly slur my words, but he doesn't seem to notice. I take advantage of our "privacy" and lean towards him. My lips press against his for only 2 seconds, but it feels like years. My heart is flying, and I want more. But he pushes me away.

"R-Rin! What are you doing?" He's shocked. Of course he is.

"Come on, Lenny…" I use his nick name jokingly, when he finally realizes that I'm drunk.

"We're leaving. Right now." Len grips my hand and tries to take me out of the house, but Kaito interrupts him.

"Hey Rin! You know, I have several empty rooms…" Kaito gives me a coy grin, and I laugh.

"Well," I begin to consider the offer, due to Len's rejection.

"You're not going _anywhere_ Rin! Come on." He yanks me harder, and leads me away from Kaito.

He ends up victorious and we're both sitting in the car. I can feel the rage radiating from Len.

"You were going to sleep with him _again_?" His voice is seething. I flinch.

"…Well…" I try to find the right words, but I'm lost.

"Rin, what happened to you? Remember, in middle school, you were afraid to mention the word sex. Now…now look at yourself." He's whispering now, and I feel tears slide down my face.

I refuse to speak, and Len accepts this. He starts the car, and drives us back home. We silently sneak back to our rooms, and I collapse onto my bed without changing.

I wake up early – 6 AM – and realize that I had school. My head is pounding, and I remember how drunk I was last night. Not only that, but I remember that Len came with me to the party. I-I kissed him. His lips were so soft, and he rejected me. I knew that would happen, so why am I in such pain? I peel off my party outfit and slip into my school uniform. I walk into the kitchen, and see Len eating cereal. I hesitate, and wish that my parents were there too. Then it wouldn't be so awkward, but they were already at work by now.

I slide into the chair farthest from Len, and look at the newspaper. Nothing catches my eye, but I read it anyway.

"Aren't you hungry?" Len is staring straight at me, and my heart skips a beat.

"No, I'm not." I stand up and leave. Why was I in there in the first place? I mentally slap myself as I walk into my room.

Looking in the mirror, I see a broken doll. A shell of a person. No soul, and seemingly no heart. I sigh, and wish that I wasn't born. Wish that I wasn't here. I stare at the mirror once more, and now anger replaces sadness. Just go away! Leave me alone! I'm tempted to smash the mirror, but I hold myself back.

I try to distract myself by brushing my hair, doing my makeup, but when I'm finished getting ready, nothing has changed. I'm still here, still taking up space.

I walk out of my room and pass the living room. Len asks me where I'm going and I tell him I'm going to school.

"This early?" He questions suspiciously.

"Yes." I mumble.

I walk outside, and get into my car. I head to school, but stay in my car until ten minutes are left before the first bell rings. Throughout the entire day, Len is on my mind. I couldn't believe that I kissed him. I couldn't remember what his reaction was, but I was pretty sure that he rejected me. He hates me now, doesn't he? I'm distracted constantly, and whenever I see Len in the halls, I avoid him.

When school is over, I try to avoid going home at all costs. I talk with my friends for half an hour after school, and then drive to the mall. Yet again, I compare myself to the other shoppers. I can't measure up to any of them, and I'm even more depressed than before. I don't buy anything, and finally return home. It's not even 5 yet, which means my parents aren't home.

I enter my house swiftly and avoid Len as much as I can. I don't eat, and even if I did I'd just vomit it back up. I enter my room and collapse on my bed. I haven't cried my heart out in months, so I let it all out now. I'm shaking, and my sobs are becoming louder. I shove my face deeper into the pillow so Len can't hear me, but it's futile. Luckily, he never comes into my room to comfort me. The cry has exhausted me so much that I go to bed, not wanting to deal with the world.

My depression has gotten worse, causing me to get into more trouble. Having more sex than ever, I'm also getting drunk and high every night. I'm at Kaito's place most of the time, and it's somewhat of a distraction for me. Each time I get drunk or have sex, Len is forgotten for a small amount of time. I theorize that the more distractions I have, Len might slowly disappear from my head. I know that it's not working, but I can't stop. Spiraling downward, I feel inches away from death.

Len is concerned with my risqué behavior, and tries to keep me in line. It doesn't work, and I'm getting worse each day. To add to my list of problems, Kaito broke up with me one day after having sex. I never cared about the relationship; in fact I've been dumped by several other guys before. So why does it hurt so much now? I didn't even like Kaito that much. When he dumped me, I accepted it, thinking everything would be fine. But on my way home, I just couldn't take it anymore. My life was shattering all around me, and I just wanted it all to end.

On my drive home from Kaito's house, I could only hope that no one else was home. I get out of my car, and flip my cell phone open, the time reading 6 PM. I sigh; my parents must be home already. Looking at our house, their cars aren't there. Did they leave? I step outside of the car and look up to the sky: it's starting to rain, and it's getting harder by the second. My hair is drenched quickly, even though I briskly walk up to my house and unlock the door. My heart is heavy, and all my problems seem 10 times worse now. I close the door, and step inside the house. Checking to see if anyone is home, I shout, "Mom, Dad? Is anyone home?" My voice is wavering slightly, and I hope no one notices.

"No, just me. They left to go out to eat, and I told them I'd make us some food." Len walks out from the kitchen, and smiles at me.

"O-Oh. Okay." My voice stutters, and I hope Len doesn't notice.

"Are you okay? You seem…off ." Len's face creases with worry, and I assume that my face betrays me.

I sniffle, and I will myself not to cry. "…no, I'm not okay, Len." I whisper it.

"What's wrong?" He looks at me with apprehensive eyes.

"_Several things, Len"_ I want to tell him_._ Instead, I tell him, "It's Kaito." I mutter.

"What did he do to you?" Anger creeps into his voice, but it's not overpowering.

"We're done."

"You broke up with him?"

"He broke up with me." I explain.

"Oh, Rin." He whispers my name, and begins to hug me. I lay my head on his right shoulder, trying to enjoy the embrace.

He breaks the hug off, and my heart cracks once more. "Let's put your stuff away, okay?"

I follow him to my room, kick my shoes off, and dropping my purse on the floor. I climb onto my plush bed, and Len follows me.

"So, why do you think he broke up with you?" Len's face is etched with sympathy.

"I…don't really know. I was at his house, and we were…you know." It's awkward to tell the person I'm desperately in love with that I slept with someone else.

"That's why you came home so late?" Len brushes off the fact easily.

"Yeah, and after we…did it, he just broke up with me. I mean I've never cared about him. At all. You know how many guys I go through a month, so I don't know why this is having such a huge effect on me."

"I _have_ noticed that you've been getting in more trouble. You know Rin, you make me worry constantly."

"I'm sorry." I can't think of anything else to say.

"Is there anything else wrong? You seem…occupied. Something's on your mind." Len seems to see straight to my soul, and I stall.

"Do you know…how much I've suffered, Len?" my voice is quiet and hollow.

"W-What do you mean?" Len's eyes are wide, and he's leaning closer in apprehension.

"Every time I went to a party. Every single time I had sex, or got drunk, or even got high, do you know why? Why I did it?" My voice is even quieter now.

"Why?" His voice is in a panic. I don't deserve such a sweet brother. I don't deserve to live.

"You."

"What? I don't—"

I interrupt him immediately, "I love you Len! Have you not noticed? This is why relationships mean nothing to me. Sex, drugs, alcohol were all distractions. So I could forget that I was in love with my own _twin brother_. This fact…it's made me so depressed. Then, when I'm depressed, I continue to distract myself. It's a vicious cycle, and it's slowly eating me alive. You're the only one who can save me, can't you see that?" I take a deep breath, and I'm ready to run out of the house, run and never return.

He's completely silent. Why do I do these things? I know that the response I want will never happen, yet I still act on my fucked up instincts. Feeling stupider than before, I climb off my bed and begin to leave. I feel Len's hand grip my wrist. I turn around, tears blurring my vision. Len pulls me in, and kisses me. It wasn't like the drunk kiss I gave him; this one is sweet and meaningful. Our lips meet perfectly, they were meant for each other. His arms enclose me, and I put my hands around his neck. We break off the kiss slowly, and for once in my life, I'm happy.

* * *

Note: Uhm, don't think I hate Rin. She's my favorite Vocaloid [I you Rin!] I've noticed that I love making screwed up characters like this. You have so much sympathy for them, even though their problems are so much.

And yes, Len _was_ in love with his sister. Rin just had more problems, etc. You can catch the signs easily, like when he gets angry about Kaito, him worrying about her, etc.


	2. Second Draft

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Vocaloid. Obviously. -.-"

**Note:** Rin & Len are 18 in this – seniors at their high school.

**Warning:** Twincest in story. Just a warning if you aren't into that stuff!

* * *

**Butterfly On Your Right Shoulder**

~RIN~

When the school bell rings, I immediately run to my locker and shove my books into my black bag. I slam the locker shut, and try to find my best friend Miku. I easily spot her at her locker talking to Luka, my other friend.

"Hey, bitch!" I shout across the hall. I grin to my best friends, and they begin to laugh.

"Right back to ya' bitch!" Miku responds in jest.

"Oh my god, that math test almost killed me!" I exclaim as I walk towards the two.

"Ugh, I know!" Luka agrees.

"I mean, the last test I got back was a D _minus_." I emphasize.

"Wow, a new record!" Miku cries.

"Oh shut up, Miku. You failed that test!" I shoot back.

"So?" She grins at me, and I laugh along with Luka.

"So, Rin, got anything planned tonight?" Miku questions me.

"No, surprisingly."

"Well, Gakupo's holding a party tonight at his place. You have to come!" Miku looks at me earnestly as she pulls out books from her locker.

"How could I pass up a party?" I grin slyly, and laugh with them. "Well, I should probably leave, see you!"

I wave to the pair, and head out to the school parking lot. I'm almost to my car when I see my "boyfriend" Kaito.

"Rin!" He waves at me, surrounded by his other friends.

"Hey Kaito!" I wave back to him, and head towards his group.

"So, you're coming to the party, right?" Gakupo questions me once I arrive.

"Of course, what else would I be doing?" I joke.

"Tonight's gonna be great, I can't wait!" Piko shouts while fist-pumping the air. He could be so immature sometimes.

"What? Is it your first party?" I tease.

"Yeah…" Piko says, defeated.

I laugh briefly, and take a couple of steps to my car when Kaito calls me back.

"Well, see you tonight Rin!" Kaito leans down and kisses me when I'm in range, and I return the kiss. His tongue slips through my mouth, so I return the favor.

"Wow there, come one you guys, get a room!" Gakupo jokes to us, and we laugh.

"Bye guys!" I wave to the trio, and head to my car.

I decide to buy some clothes for the party tonight, so I head to the local mall. Arriving in about ten minutes, I walk inside the large building. Browsing several stores, nothing catches my eye. But every time I'm in a store, I can't help but compare myself to the other girls. That one's taller, that girl's skinnier, and that one has bigger boobs. I can't measure up to any of them, and it's slowly killing me inside. How can I even think that I'm worth him? He deserves better. Someone stronger, someone _pretty_.

As I wallow in my self-pity, I finally find something I like. It's a short, strapless red dress, but enough to cover me. I also purchase red heels and a simple necklace. The price is cheap, luckily, and I head back to my car after I finish up in the mall. I head home, and it only takes about fifteen minutes to arrive. I park in front of my large house and hum a simple tune as I step out of my car. I pluck out the keys from my purse, opening the front door. When I step inside my house, I see the most devastating sight: Len with another girl.

I'm in shock and can hardly breathe when I see Len entwined with her. She's gorgeous, hair the color of a red rose, pale skin, and of course, super skinny. When Len notices me in standing in the front door, his eyes widen. He wasn't expecting me so soon. The girl looks at me, and a blush appears on her cheeks. Before anyone can open their mouth, I rush to my room. Slamming the door shut, I fall to the floor. I'm shaking, and I'm trying hard not to cry.

"_This isn't right, you know. These feelings are taboo, against the rules."_ I try to convince myself that I don't love my twin brother. Every single day I tell myself why I shouldn't be in love with him. But this feeling won't go away.

In order to distract myself, I pull out my cell phone and lazily text Miku: "_When does party start_"

A couple minutes pass by, and Miku texts back: "_9:30_" I check my clock, it's only five.

I stand up and stare at myself in the mirror. Pointing out each flaw is easy – it's a daily ritual by now. I stare at my face, so many things wrong with it. Uneven complexion, dry skin, limp hair. Boring facial features. My body isn't much better. Even though I'm 18, my breasts are as flat as board. I'm short – too short. Not to mention how fat I am. My thighs seem to take up the whole mirror, stomach too flabby. Tears well up in my eyes. How can people stand this, how can people stand to stare at me each day?

Just as I'm analyzing each thing that's wrong with me, someone begins to pound on my door. Sniffling, I try to wipe the tears away.

"Who is it?" I manage to say the sentence without sounding too strange, luckily.

"Rin, you know it's me." That's right; our parents are on a week-long business trip, aren't they?

"What Len?" I ask as if nothing's wrong.

A few seconds of silence, then he responds. "Dinner's ready." I hear Len walk away from my door, and I stand up. He made dinner for me? _"I don't deserve it"_ I remind myself. _"He's too good for you"_ I think.

When I arrive at the kitchen, Len is eating a simple rice and vegetable bowl. I see another one for me, so I sit down. As I take my first bite, Len begins the conversation.

"Sorry about earlier. I-I didn't know you'd be back this soon."

I fake a laugh – it sounds so real – and reply, "I figured. So who was that girl?" I question innocently.

"Her name's Miki. We're dating." He says simply.

**Dating.** He's in a relationship. My heart crumbles, and my stomach begins to feel sick.

"Well, good for you." My response is awkward and weird, something that Rin Kagamine wouldn't say.

"Uh, yeah." Len says while staring at his food.

I eat as quickly as I can, and thank Len for the meal. I wash my dishes as fast as I can, and place them in the dishwasher. Rushing to the bathroom, I turn on the heater and faucet so Len can't hear me. I force myself to vomit, the unwanted food removed from my body. I flush the toilet, and my mouth stings from the vile taste. I wash my mouth out with water first, trying to get rid of the taste. I brush my teeth vigorously, trying to remove the substance. When I finish, I turn the heater and water off and return to the living room.

Len is sitting on the couch watching some weird game show. I sit down, and watch it with him. When the commercials come on, Len faces me.

"So, are you headed anywhere tonight?"

"Yeah, a party." I reply simply.

"Another one?" Len sighs. He knows what happens when I go to these parties. He always hates it when I arrive home completely drunk and high on drugs. My "sleeping around" seems to bug him as well.

"Yeah, another one."

"Do you have to go?" He asks, worry creeping into his voice.

"Yes."

"Then promise me that you won't get into any trouble." Len stares at me fiercely with his deep azure eyes.

"I promise." I know I won't keep it. Another reason why I don't deserve him.

"Good." He buys my lie, and continues watching TV. My stomach clenches up, and I feel horrible.

It's already 9 PM, and I'm busy getting ready. Sliding into the tight red dress, I pull the heels on my feet as well. I grab the new necklace I bought and hook it around my neck. Leaning towards the mirror, I decide to leave my signature white bow behind. I grab my brush, and fluff my hair up. I style it to the perfect "sexy mess", and I move onto my makeup. I slide the rich red lipstick onto my lips, making them look larger than they really are. Piling on mascara and eyeliner, I'm finally done.

I grab my keys and put them into my purse, and walk to the front door.

"Rin, you look…stunning!" Len compliments me, and I'm embarrassed. He can't mean it, right?

"Oh, thanks Len! Well, I'm off." I wave to him, but Len cuts me off.

"Rin, be careful. Remember your promise, okay?" He's really worried. I feel awful for making him this worried, but I can't help but go to the party.

"I will. Love you Len!" The sentence is two-faced and I know that Len won't catch the true meaning of it.

"Love you too Rin. Be safe." He waves to me as I leave the house, and I'm out the door.

I enter my car, and start the engine. I put in a random CD and loud techno music starts to blast from the car. I arrive at Gakupo's in ten minutes, and it seems several people are already there. I shut off the music, and cut the ignition. I step out, and walk into the large house. As I walk in, the smell of cheap liquor and sweaty bodies violates my nose. Several people come up to talk to me, and I'm having fun. A couple guys hit on me, so I tease them in response. I walk through crowds of teenagers, and I find the beer. Popping a can, I take a sip. The taste is robust, and I take a few more swigs of the beverage.

"Rin!" I hear my name shouted across the room, and I see my two best friends – Miku and Luka.

"Hey you two! How's it going?" I say as they reach me.

"Not much, we've missed you!" Miku exclaims.

We all laugh and chat for a while, making the time fly. I decide to leave them, when Kaito finds me.

"I've been looking for you!" He cries, his arms wrapping around my waist.

"I'm flattered!" I joke.

"So, is there anything…you want to do?" Kaito is clearly focused on one thing. I don't mind, I need a distraction anyways.

"Depends. You got protection?" I ask.

"Yeah, will a condom work for you?" He asks apprehensively.

"Perfect." I give him a sly smile, and we sneak away from the crowd to find a private room.

There's hardly any romance between the two of us, so we just start taking our clothes off. We jump on the bed, and I wait as Kaito puts the condom on.

"Ready?" He questions me.

"I'm always ready." I inform him.

When we finish, I slip my clothes back on. I know my makeup is smudged, but I don't care. That was more than enough to distract me.

"That was amazing, wasn't it?" Kaito says dreamily.

"Yeah," I say as I finish collecting my things. "Hey, I gotta go. See you tomorrow?"

"Okay, bye Rin!" Kaito is still on the bed, and I rush out of the room.

Before I leave the party, I sneak several cans of beer. When I leave as fast as I can, I sit in my car for several minutes before setting off for home. I open the beers and drink them all quickly. I'm drunk before I know it, and I start the car up. As I drive home, I can't get Len out of my head, no matter how many distractions I place in front of me. My mind is racing, and when I arrive home, I see Len sitting on the couch struggling to stay awake. He waited for me. My stomach sinks down, and I feel horrible. I quickly check the time on my phone: 3:02 AM. Oh god.

"Hey, Len." I say it quietly, so I don't frighten him.

"Rin, you're back! Thank God…" He was _really_ worried about me. "I waited for you."

"You didn't have to do that." I say softly.

"I know." His response makes me feel even guiltier.

I lock the front door and walk towards my brother. I set my things down gently, and sit next to him.

"So, what happened at the party?" Len asks innocently.

I'm silent, and try to fill the silence, but Len beats me to it.

"You broke your promise didn't you?" He's wide awake now, staring at me intensely.

"I-I'm sorry Len. I didn't mean to…" I try to apologize, but it sounds insincere.

"What happened?" His voice is firm now. I turn my head away from him, and stare at my hands instead.

"I had a few drinks." I say. It's not too big, right?

"What else." His voice is starting to scare me, it's so harsh.

"I… well,"

"I knew it. You slept with someone. Who was it this time?" He sighs, and leans back on the couch.

A tear escapes my eyes, and I wipe them away. "Kaito." I whisper.

He's silent, and I can tell he's furious with me. His light blonde hair has been released from its ponytail, giving him a carefree look. His brows are furrowed, he's deep in thought. I've disappointed him again.

"Rin, you need to stop this. It's getting out of control." He talks after several minutes of silence pass by.

I don't respond, I won't respond. He stands up and looks down at me. "Come on, let's get you in bed."

I take Len's outstretched hand, and he leads me to my bedroom. I'm too tired to change or wash my face so I end up crashing in my bed.

A raging hangover greets me the next morning, and I feel awful. Groggily stepping out of the bed, I go into the bathroom. I try to make myself presentable, so Len won't see me in such a mess. My makeup is all over the place, my hair is knots, and my eyes have dark circles under them. It takes me a while to fix everything so I don't look like a monster, and when I finish, I greet Len at the kitchen table.

Len has made me delicious looking crepes with whipped cream on top. I force myself to eat the sweet dessert, and remind myself constantly that I will be able to lose the carbs soon. I make small talk with my brother for a little bit, and I finally finish the crepe. As I'm cleaning the dishes, Len asks me of my social plans.

"Why do you need to know?" I'm suspicious, but I figure that he must be worried.

"There aren't any _parties_ or anything?"

"Well, I think Kaito might be holding one soon, in a couple days I think." I cautiously tell Len, but soon regret it.

"Can I come?"

"Why would you want to come, Len? You hate crowds, loud music, and alcohol."

"To keep an eye on you, of course." I groan, I knew he was up to no good.

"Who said I was letting you come?"

"No one. I'm asking."

I look at my brother in disbelief, and he puts me under a spell. I'm pathetic, so weak. I break, and let him come.

"Fine, I guess it won't be a problem."

"Good." Len is happy now, and that's the only solace I get.

"You do realize that Mom and Dad will be back by then, so we'll be sneaking out of the house for this party."

"Not a problem." Len says simply.

"Okay, just warning you."

I finish the dishes, and enter the bathroom. Starting the regular procedure, I turn the heater and faucet on and force myself to vomit. Clean out my mouth, brush my teeth. When I finish, I return to my room and take a few pills to reduce my headache caused by the hangover.

"You want to get anything special for the party?" I ask Len randomly as we're both watching TV again.

"Not really."

"Len, you _have_ to. You'll stand out… like a sore thumb." I say, trying to convince him to go shopping.

"Fine. When do I have to go?" he sighs, and I laugh.

"Today! Like, now maybe?" I ask him sweetly, hoping that he'll come with me.

"Fine, you're driving though."

"Okay!" I shout happily, and grab my purse from my room.

Finding Len clothes for the party is more difficult than I thought. Len keeps on choosing weird clothes like sweater-vests and turtle necks. I try to point him to T-shirts _at least_. He won't get them, making the trip even more difficult.

"How about this?" I say, suggesting some black skinny jeans.

"Mmm, I don't know."

"Len, _all_ of the girls will be after you if you wear these. Go ahead and try them on while I find you a decent shirt." Len reluctantly takes the pants from me and heads towards the dressing rooms.

While Len is busy getting dressed, I'm searching for the perfect top. It's hard to please both Len's style and my own at once, we're so different. While I like modern, fresh fashion, Len prefers formal and professional clothes. So I pick out a couple different shirts: A plain black T-shirt, a white button down, and a blue sweater. Not my top choices, but something Len and I could compromise with.

When Len returns, he seems bored. Informing me that the pants fit, I'm ecstatic. Len laughs at my strange antics, and I just brush him off. Showing him the three shirts, he chooses the white button down. As I hand him the shirt, Len stares at my wrist.

"Rin, are you losing weight?"

"I-Is that a good thing?" I ask nervously. I hope desperately that he doesn't know my secret.

"Yeah, I guess. As long as you don't lose too much weight!"

He smiles at me, and I smile back. Good, he doesn't know. We pay for the clothes, and return home.

Coincidentally, the day our parents arrived was when the party was being held. I was preparing for the sneak out, deciding when we should head out. The party would start at 10, and my parents went to bed around 9:30. Once they were asleep, Len and I would be able to get ready and sneak out easily enough.

Time went by slowly, but they finally went to bed. Len and I started to get ready as soon as they were downstairs. I was dressed in a simple black dress that was shorter than the red one from a couple nights before. I slipped on some white tights and put on a pair of black heels. My outfit was simple, but eye-catching. My makeup matched my clothes: simple black & white eye makeup with nude lipstick. I clutched my purse tightly, and went to see Len. He looked amazing, the jeans fit his body perfectly, and the top seemed sleek, but something he was comfortable in. The one problem was his hair.

"Len," I began, "you can't have your hair up!" I went up to him, and pulled the tiny ponytail out. His hair fell just above his shoulders, making him seem much… cooler. I smiled, and Len blushed.

"Don't worry Len, you look amazing." I comforted my twin, and he smiled.

"As do you." I smiled, and we both headed out the door.

Kaito's house was slightly smaller than Gakupo's, but it seemed to hold twice the people. I dragged Len behind me as I swam through the sea of people. Whenever Len looked away, I snuck sips of beer here and there. Getting drunker by the minute, Len hadn't even noticed. Yet again, he turned his head. Snatching a beer off of a nearby table, I gulped as much as I could. Within a few minutes, I was completely drunk.

Len grabs my hand, and pulls me into a corner. Not many people pay attention to us here, and Len begins to talk to me.

"Rin, I want to leave. I hate it here." His face is contorted into frustration, and I laugh.

"Oh, Len." I slightly slur my words, but he doesn't seem to notice. I take advantage of our "privacy" and lean towards him. My lips press against his for only 2 seconds, but it feels like years. My heart is flying, and I want more. But he pushes me away.

"R-Rin! What are you doing?" He's shocked. Of course he is.

"Come on, Lenny…" I use his nick name jokingly, when he finally realizes that I'm drunk.

"We're leaving. Right now." Len grips my hand and tries to take me out of the house, but Kaito interrupts him.

"Hey Rin! You know, I have several empty rooms…" Kaito gives me a coy grin, and I laugh.

"Well," I begin to consider the offer, due to Len's rejection.

"You're not going _anywhere_ Rin! Come on." He yanks me harder, and leads me away from Kaito.

He ends up victorious and we're both sitting in the car. I can feel the rage radiating from Len.

"You were going to sleep with him _again_?" His voice is seething. I flinch.

"…Well…" I try to find the right words, but I'm lost.

"Rin, what happened to you? Remember, in middle school, you were afraid to even mention the word sex. Now… now look at yourself." He's whispering now, and I feel tears slide down my face.

I refuse to speak, and Len accepts this. He starts the car, and drives us back home. We silently sneak back to our rooms, and I collapse onto my bed without changing yet again.

I wake up early – 6 AM – and realize that I had school today. My head is pounding, and I remember how drunk I was last night. Not only that, but I remember that Len came with me to the party. I-I kissed him. His lips were so soft, and he rejected me. I knew that would happen, so why am I in such pain? I peel off my party outfit and slip into my school uniform. I walk into the kitchen, and see Len eating cereal. I hesitate, and wish that my parents were there too. Then it wouldn't be so awkward, but they were already at work by now.

I slide into the chair farthest from Len, and look at the newspaper. Nothing catches my eye, but I read it anyway.

"Aren't you hungry?" Len is staring straight at me, and my heart skips a beat.

"No, I'm not." I stand up and leave. Why was I in there in the first place? I mentally slap myself as I walk into my room.

Looking in the mirror, I see a broken doll. A shell of a person. No soul, and seemingly no heart. I sigh, and wish that I wasn't born. Wish that I wasn't here. I stare at the mirror once more, and now anger replaces sadness. Just go away! Leave me alone! I'm tempted to smash the mirror, but I hold myself back.

I try to distract myself by brushing my hair, doing my makeup, but when I'm finished getting ready, nothing has changed. I'm still here, still taking up space.

I walk out of my room and pass the living room. Len asks me where I'm going and I tell him I'm going to school.

"This early?" He questions suspiciously.

"Yes." I mumble.

I walk outside, and get into my car. I head to school, but stay in my car until ten minutes are left before the first bell rings. Throughout the entire day, Len is on my mind. I couldn't believe that I kissed him. I couldn't remember what his reaction was, but I was pretty sure that he hated me for it. I'm distracted constantly, and whenever I see Len in the halls, I avoid him.

When school is over, I try to avoid going home at all costs. I talk with my friends for half an hour after school, and then drive to the mall. Yet again, I compare myself to the other shoppers. I can't measure up to any of them, and I'm even more depressed than before. I don't buy anything, and finally return home. It's not even 5 yet, which means my parents aren't home.

I enter my house swiftly and avoid Len as much as I can. I don't eat, and even if I did I'd just throw it back up. I enter my room and collapse on my bed. I haven't cried my heart out in months, so I let it all out now. I'm shaking, and my sobs are becoming louder. I shove my face deeper into the pillow so Len can't hear me, but it's futile. Luckily, he never comes into my room to comfort me. The cry has exhausted me so much that I go to bed, not wanting to deal with the world.

My depression has gotten worse, causing me to get into more trouble. Having more sex than ever, I'm also getting drunk and high every night. I'm at Kaito's place most of the time, and it's somewhat of a distraction for me. Each time I get drunk or have sex, Len is forgotten for a small amount of time. I theorize that the more distractions I have, Len might slowly disappear from my head. I know that it's not working, but I can't stop. Spiraling downward, I feel inches away from death.

Len is concerned with my risqué behavior, and tries to keep me in line. It doesn't work, and I'm getting worse each day. To add to my list of problems, Kaito broke up with me one day after having sex. I never cared about the relationship; in fact I've been dumped by several other guys before. So why does it hurt so much now? I didn't even like Kaito that much. When he dumped me, I accepted it, thinking everything would be fine. But on my way home, I just couldn't take it anymore. My life was shattering all around me, and I just wanted it all to end.

On my drive home from Kaito's house, I could only hope that no one else was home. I get out of my car, and flip my cell phone open, the time reading 6 PM. I sigh; my parents must be home already. Looking at our house, their cars aren't there. Did they leave? I step outside of the car and look up to the sky: it's starting to rain, and it's getting harder by the second. My hair is drenched quickly, even though I briskly walk up to my house and unlock the door. My heart is heavy, and all my problems seem 10 times worse now. I close the door, and step inside the house. Checking to see if anyone is home, I shout, "Mom, Dad? Is anyone home?" My voice is wavering slightly, and I hope no one notices.

"No, just me. They left to go out to eat, and I told them I'd make us some food." Len walks out from the kitchen, and smiles at me.

"O-Oh. Okay." My voice stutters, and I hope Len doesn't notice.

"Are you okay? You seem… off ." Len's face creases with worry, and I assume that my face betrays me.

I sniffle, and I will myself not to cry. "…no, I'm not okay, Len." I whisper it.

"What's wrong?" He looks at me with apprehensive eyes.

"_Several things, Len"_ I want to tell him_._ Instead, I tell him, "It's Kaito." I mutter.

"What did he do to you?" Anger creeps into his voice, but it's not overpowering.

"We're done."

"You broke up with him?"

"He broke up with me." I explain.

"Oh, Rin." He whispers my name, and begins to hug me. I lay my head on his right shoulder, trying to enjoy the embrace.

He breaks the hug off, and my heart cracks once more. "Let's put your stuff away, okay?"

I follow him to my room, kick my shoes off, and drop my purse on the floor. I climb onto my plush bed, and Len follows me.

"So, why do you think he broke up with you?" Len's face is etched with sympathy.

"I… don't really know. I was at his house, and we were… you know." It's awkward to tell the person I'm desperately in love with that I slept with someone else.

"That's why you came home so late?" Len brushes the fact off easily.

"Yeah, and after we… did it, he just broke up with me. I mean I've never cared about him. At all. You know how many guys I go through a month, so I don't know why this is having such a huge effect on me."

"I _have_ noticed that you've been getting in more trouble. You know Rin, you make me worry constantly."

"I'm sorry." I can't think of anything else to say.

"Is there anything else wrong? You seem… occupied. Something's on your mind." Len seemed to see straight to my soul, and I stall.

"Do you know… how much I've suffered, Len?" my voice is quiet and hollow.

"W-What do you mean?" Len's eyes are wide, and he's leaning closer in apprehension.

"Every time I went to a party. Every single time I had sex, or got drunk, or even got high, do you know why? Why I did it?" My voice is even quieter now.

"Why?" His voice is in a panic. I don't deserve such a sweet brother. I don't deserve to live.

"You."

"What? I don't—"

I interrupt him immediately, "I love you Len! Have you not noticed? This is why relationships mean nothing to me. Sex, drugs, alcohol were all distractions. So I could forget that I was in love with my own _twin brother_. This fact… it's made me so depressed. Then, when I'm depressed, I continue to distract myself. It's a vicious cycle, and it's slowly eating me alive. You're the only one who can save me, can't you see that?" I take a deep breath, and I'm ready to run out of the house, run and never return.

He's completely silent. Why do I do these things? I know that the response I want will never happen, yet I still act on my fucked up instincts. Feeling stupider than before, I climb off my bed and begin to leave. I feel Len's hand grip my wrist. I turn around, tears blurring my vision. Len pulls me in, and kisses me. It wasn't like the drunk kiss I gave him; this one is sweet and meaningful. Our lips meet perfectly, they were meant for each other. His arms enclose me, and I put my hands around his neck. We break off the kiss slowly, and for once in my life, I'm happy.

* * *

Note: Uhm, don't think I hate Rin. She's my favorite Vocaloid [I you Rin!] I've noticed that I love making screwed up characters like this. You have so much sympathy for them, even though their problems are so much.

And yes, Len _was_ in love with his sister. Rin just had more problems, etc. You can catch the signs easily, like when he gets angry about Kaito, him worrying about her, etc.


End file.
